The Power to Say NO

I was recently in Maui where the sea turtles (“honu”) are sacred.  There are even signs up all over the beach entrances telling tourists about the honu, and please DO NOT touch them.  Yes, all beings on this planet are sacred, but sea turtles need our special attention as they are endangered.

I was sitting on a beautiful Maui beach, and in the water were five sea turtles – one of them an adolescent learning how to ride the waves.  As I was admiring them and sending them love, a father suddenly went into the water very close to the sea turtles.  Horrified, I watched as he then proceeded to try to pick up one of the large sea turtles to show his two young wide-eyed children, as if a sea turtle was a show-and-tell object for the classroom.  

I looked around me to see if anyone else was seeing this.  Luckily, the woman sitting next to me on the beach started yelling at the man to put the sea turtle down, that it’s illegal to touch the honu.  Startled, the man put the sea turtle down and sheepishly backed away.  

Even though there are signs up everyone to leave the honu alone, shouldn’t it be common sense to not touch a living creature without their permission?  I mean, isn’t it also common sense that you don’t just go up to person and just touch them without their consent?  And when a woman or a man says no, they really mean no?  

Unfortunately, it’s not common sense.  That’s why the Me Too movement launched and why my job as an intimacy coordinator on film and television sets exists.  

Choice, Communication, Consent.  The 3 Cs of vulnerability and intimacy.  

My job is to make sure that all parties involved have a voice and are empowered to practice these 3 Cs. 

Sea turtles aren’t capable of having a human voice to tell us “no, please don’t touch me”, which is why there are signs up all over and advocates giving them voices.  However, the same is true for people in positions of disempowerment, who are afraid that if they say “no” that they’ll lose their job or not get that big break they’ve been dying for in their acting careers.

No is powerful.  Whatever is meant for you will be yours.  Living in integrity, truth and love is always better than living in fear, doubt, shame, and anger.

We need to be better at creating choice, communication, and consent.  Period.